How Death turns to Love
by EraVandenBosch
Summary: Lily Evans has no friends, love or anything. What will happen when she attempts the worst.
1. The First Step

Lily Evans was in her seventh year and she was miserable. She had just broken up with her boyfriend, James Potter, and she no longer had any friends. When she had tried to continue her friendship with Severus Snape, the rest of her friends had totally abandoned her. Then of course she started dating James so Sev gave up on their friendship. And if that wasn't enough; James dumped her because he heard a rumour that she "knew her way around town." (wink wink, nudge nudge) so Lily was feeling pretty down. Seeing as she was the second-best potions student in her class (Severus was 1) she decided that she would brew her own kind of potion. She considered a suicide potion but that seemed too drastic; finally she decided she would create a potion that numbed the pain. It would keep her alive for her future but it would stop the hurt that was eating away at her heart.

All of Lily's spare time was put into brewing that potion; she had found a recipe in a potions book in the restricted section. It was more difficult than a Polyjuice Potion; it took many rare items that she had to convince Professor Slughorn she needed. Also, many times she started to cry while she was working so a few tears started to fall into her cauldron. Nobody ever suspected what she was doing because nobody wanted to speak to her; except for Severus. He never saw Lily anymore and he was worried; when he did see her at some of his classes, she was becoming thinner and more sickly. She didn't offer to answer questions anymore, only when she was called upon; even then she got it wrong a lot. Her teachers were becoming sort of worried but then again, they figured that her break-up was screwing with her mind. The fact that nobody looked, nobody talked to her and nobody cared furthered her thoughts that she should strengthen the potion.

One week later, Lily was done. It had felt like years of pain but she was ready to stop the thing that felt like it was killing her, but she didn't know that it actually was. When she was skipping meals and spending all that time in the dungeon, she got more and more sick and it would have killed her if she had gone on much longer. While she was stirring her potion for the last time, Lily started thinking of all the things that caused her to brew this potion and she started to cry. The hurt and the raw emotion mixed into her cauldron and it did something it wasn't supposed to do, it turned pure black. Black to represent how alone she was. Black to represent the sad and the anger she felt. Black to represent what time she was to consume it. (midnight) and what she didn't know was: black to show how bleak her future would be. As Lily poured the numbness chemical into a golden goblet that she had taken from the dining hall. There was no way that this couldn't work or she would be pissed. Lily swirled the potion for the last time. This would make her oblivious to the pains of the world for exactly one year. If she wanted to come out of her stupor, all she had to do was make the counter-potion. Not gonna happen, she thought to herself.

Lily tipped her head back, as the potion entered her mouth and down her throat.

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"Snape!" Professor McGonagall barked to Severus Snape. Even though she was in the brisk manner that she usually carried on in, McGonagall had a softness in her eyes. It looked like sadness, sympathy. Severus prepared himself for the worst; even the teachers picked on him. "I have gained word that you were Lily Evans' best friend. Are my sources correct?" Snape hadn't expected this. "umm… I-- I guess so, we haven't really spoken in a while be-because we kind of… you know… drifted apart." the evil stare looked like it softened up. Not for Severus's case technically. "Ok, I would like you to get James Potter and some of Lily's closest friends. It concerns you all.

Later, when all three students (James, Severus and a girl named Winter) were gathered in Professor McGonagall's office. "I am really sorry to all of you. Today Lily Evans was found in the Potion's dungeon. She was right beside a cauldron and a golden goblet. It was partly-filled with a dark purple, almost black potion." James was confused. "Wait, wait, wait! If Lily was found and she was nearby Slughorn, then why are we being told all of this?" McGonagall's face got softer. There was a bit of a problem, we've moved her to the hospital wing. Come with me.

When they arrived at the bed Lily was lying in, the three teenagers recoiled in shock. Lily was there alright, but she was as pale as a ghost, and she wasn't moving. "Unfortunately, we have taken a look at the potion that Miss Evans was brewing. Professor Slughorn has confirmed the worst. The potion was a suicide potion. I'm very sorry James, Severus and Winter. Lily Evans drank the potion and she is dead." Winter and Severus just stared in shock. James cried out:

**WHAT WILL JAMES SAY? WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER. AND PLEASE R&R :-D**


	2. Revelation

"NO! I loved her!" James almost screamed at Professor McGonagall. There was no way Lily could be dead. He had just had a revelation today about her. Thanks to Remus and Sirius.

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Two days before this turn of events, James was talking to Remus, Peter and Sirius about the quidditch game against Ravenclaw Gryffindor had just won. "I tell you guys, there's nothing like the feel of riding a victory laps after you've just caught the Snitch. especially when you know the chicks are watchin' you." James had broken up with Lily a month ago and he was on the rebound. But nobody knew it; they just thought he was a player that didn't give a crap about any girl he went out with and as soon as he dumped them, there was another one in line waiting for him. "Well James," Remus started carefully, he had the feeling James was being more arrogant about girls than usual. "I don't think that Lily was watching the match today, she was in the dorm doing "homework" when we left." James felt a huge knot in his stomach, must have been something he ate. "Please! Do you think I care about that ho and if she comes to the matches anymore? WE BROKE UP! Remember that Moony? She cried, I said no, yadda, yadda, yadda…" it always went on like this whenever anybody mentioned Lily. She was now referred to as "that ho" 24/7. But yet, he never shut up about her, even Sirius noticed this. The other three Marauders looked at each other with sympathy for James in their eyes, but they wouldn't bring it up, because in human form and animal form (other than Lupin) James could take them down very easily.

Later in the common room, Missa (who was really Melissa, but liked that name better and was also James' new girlfriend) and James started a full on snog-fest in one of the chairs in front of the fire place. But James got distracted again, he did that lately. He started thinking about when he and Lily would find a secluded place and be alone, maybe just talking, not this **MAJOR **PDA in front of everyone. "Umm… maybe we could go find an empty classroom or something. You know, for more privacy." Missa just stared at him "What do you mean? I love people knowing I'm dating you! Wait, are you ashamed of being with me!?" of course she had to get an answer right for once. "Of course not! I'm just saying an empty spot in the school wouldn't be that hard to find!" These arguments carried on a lot so it was best to just shut up and get his tongue back in her mouth so that he couldn't speak anymore. "I think I know what's going on James." her voice was sharp and she called him James. She had taken to calling him by Cuddle-Bunny, so that meant he wanted to keep his friends form knowing that. So he kept her away from them as much as possible. But she had never actually called him by his real name since they started going out. "I don't know what you're talking about Missa. What's going on?" he said slowly, picking his words so that he wouldn't offend her more. "You're thinking about when you were snogging Evans! Puh-leaze you two were so obvious about when you were gonna go "study" in a quiet classroom!"

After much arguing about whether or not James still like Lily or not, he just shouted out "If you're gonna be this much of a bitch then why don't you just break up with me already and f*** off!" at that point, everybody in the common room turned and stared. James Potter saying f*** off to a girl that fawned all over him and boosted his ego 24/7? There were a few options on this one. 1. James was drunk. 2. James was high. 3. Everyone else in the common room was drunk/high. 4. Something was **DESPERATELY WRONG!** Option number 1 was the most likely, but Remus and Sirius had already figured it out. It was Lily. James hadn't figured it out yet, but they had. Their best friend, Prongs, loved Lily Evans.

Later, James was mulling over what he had said to Missa, and what he had wanted to say. He had wanted to say things like "You're the biggest ho I've ever met!" and "Lily was definitely a better girlfriend than you ever were! I didn't here stories while we were dating that she was losing her virginity while I was in detention with Snape!" there were also things he wished he had said to Lily while they were dating. Like "I don't care if people think us dating is weird." like "I think you're beautiful." simple things, major things, anything, everything. Something that would confirm that he cared about her. But she was his ex now, thanks to many rumours. As he thought, James realized other things he could have said to her, the intensity of them increasing until he caught on to why Remus looked at each other funnily when he mentioned girls. He wanted to say only one thing to Lily. And that was **"I love you."** no matter how you put it, James Potter loved Lily Evans. And he wanted to marry her. He didn't care if they were still in school. He didn't care if she didn't love him back. (ok that could be a small issue but whatever) he would find her and tell her these things until he cried.

But he didn't find her that night. Nor was she anywhere in sight at the Great Hall at breakfast. And she wasn't in any of her classes. James bothered Lily's (former) friends until they wanted to slap him. And then… Snape. "Umm… James… we have to go to Professor McGonagall's office. It's about Lily. If you could also get some of her friends, McGonagall wants them to. But don't get the ones that have been ignoring her, get her **real** friends." Snape had a way of being in touch with the world; but oblivious to his own. James went and got the one person who still cared about Lily. Winter Nightshade was 5'8 ft, had light brown hair with strawberry blonde highlights. With full red lips and sky blue eyes, she was the object of affection of many boys, except James. Plus, she was friendly so she instantly became best friends with Lily even though Lily thought that she would never be friends with anybody at Hogwarts because she was different. McGonagall gave the small talk that she did at the end of the last chapter and James cried out.

His Lily, the one that he was supposed to marry. Dead. "C-can we c-come to her f-f-funeral?" Winter asked. She was crying even though she was trying to hide it. "Of course you ca-" "SHE'S ALIVE!"

**Don't you love how I cut sentences off like that? It makes you want to read the story more! I've already written about half of the next chapter so you don't have to wait long! Please R&R! :-D**


	3. 1 shot

"LILY IS ALIVE!!!!" Professor Slughorn screamed again. "I was running some tests on Lily and I found a heartbeat! It only comes once every minute but it's enough to keep her alive. I've been examining the potion and it wasn't intended as a suicide potion. It was meant as something that muffles emotional pain. She must have been in a lot of emotional trauma at home or something (The three looked at each other nervously) so she has been making this in the dungeon for the past month. She told me it was a "special" project. The counter potion would take a lot of work and much time."

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**Ok, don't hate me on this one. I have pure writers block at the moment. Yes, I had half the chapter done already but I decided I didn't like it, so I deleted. I need ideas! If you guys want another chapter, R&R. I want you guys to help me with the story. This is Lily, what will happen to her? :-D Do you guys like this picture? Or is it unseeable? I just wanted to add somthing cool in. If you can't see it, got to my profile and the profile picture is the one I'm trying to show you.**


	4. Remembrances

**Ok, I love you guys! Lol special thanks to Ginny M. Weasley, for giving me some ideas. My updates still won't be frequent but I'm working on it. :-D**

Professor Slughorn spent much time after that working on studying the potion Lily had brewed to find a counter to it. What he learned was, even if he revived the redhead, she wouldn't remember anything. James, Severus and Winter told Slughorn everything. The break-up, the friend loss, **EVERYTHING** and though he was disappointed in the adolescents for driving Lily to the point that she wanted to die, he was proud of them for confessing. The potion had given itself life, the tears that Lily had cried when she was brewing had made it so that whatever caused her pain, she would forget what it was. The only way to fix it was to make everything better; and not "put on a band aide, say sorry" better. It was the "slow but effective" healing. If a person triggered something good in Lily's memory, the redhead would remember them + what they did wrong but could be on the path to forgiving them. Some people who didn't cause her any pain would be remembered instantly. "All we have to do is wake up Lily!" Slughorn exclaimed cheerfully.

Ironically, that was the thing that woke Lily up; somebody wanting her to be around. She yawned and stretched. Then she realized that she didn't recognize anybody there. Well, of course there was Slughorn and McGonagall, who hadn't done anything wrong. But she still was unfamiliar with her surroundings. The hospital wing even witnessed some pretty terrible times when it came to Miss Evans. "Who are you three?" she asked Winter, James and Severus.

"Lily? Are you ok? It's me, Winter. We were best friends since we were first years." Lily looked at her wand and McGonagall. She remembered Hogwarts. She was a seventh year student at a magical school. Her favourite subjects were Transfiguration and Potions and the two adults I front of her were her favourite teachers. But she didn't recognize the other teenagers. There was a quite beautiful brunette, a sad looking, , black-haired boy, and then there was an arrogant looking boy that was over six feet tall, and had blue eyes. Lily saw major concern in the boys eyes, what was wrong with her? What happened?

"Hey," the boy spoke "I'm James Potter, I used to be your friend. For a while we dated. (McGonagall and Slughorn had left the room.) But unfortunately, we kind of broke up. I'm really sorry if I hurt you in the past, but from now on, you will be treated as a princess." it sounded sweet but if they had dated then Lily didn't really trust her judgment at the moment.

"And I'm Severus" Snape interjected. "I was the first person who knew that you were a witch. We've been friends since we were 11 but these days, I've been a first-class jerk to you and I'm so sorry that it drove you to try to numb all your pain." when Severus spoke, something clicked in Lily's mind. "Of course I remember who you are Sev. Or at least, now I do." she flashed her friend a huge grin. "But I'm still unsure about everything else. Could you help me regain my memory? Please?" Severus had expected that Lily would remember him last, instead, he was the first. (not including the people she had never forgotten) "If you want me to help you, then I will but if you get sick of me, just say the word." he joked; even though there was a level of seriousness.

It hurt both James and Winter that the redhead didn't remember them but they both did hurt her badly. What James did was the other reason the two broke up in the first place, and what Winter did could have been easily stopped. But they both stopped thinking about their horrible crimes against Lily when Severus started to speak again. "I will try to put a positive spin on every person around you that we meet, so that more people can bring you into happiness again ok?" "Sounds perfect." she replied, slightly confused. What did he mean by "bring her into happiness," did somebody make her sad? She thought to herself _**I bet it was that James boy… or whatever his name was.**_

The first people that Severus re-introduced to Lily were, ironically, the other three Marauders. He figured that since Remus, Peter and Sirius never harmed Lily, she would remember them quickly. One problem with this was Remus had a bit of a crush on Lily. I mean, he thought she was beautiful and he would have a crush on her… if it weren't for Prongs. The other problem was Prongs, he was there when Lily re-met the other three and almost everything she was thinking was _**Why is he here? Can't he tell that Sev doesn't want him here if I'm going to "recover?" **_Yes, Sev had told James to screw off because his rudeness and his past problems with the girl would block happy memories of the other three.

"Lily, this is Remus Lupin. He's the male prefect for Gryffindor with you." (Lily already remembered she was a prefect) **{click!}** **(Ok, I'm going to do that when Lily remembers somebody)** "Yeah, I know you." Remus grinned, he was forgiven! "And this is Sirius Black, he's James' best friend but don't hold that against him." Sev muttered the last part so only he and Lily could hear it. "I think I know you… you're the boy from the family of Slytherins that became a Gryffindor right?" Sirius grinned, he would be remembered for "betraying" his family. "That's right" Sev answered for him "And the last one is P-" "Yeah I know you Peter. You're the one that kind of just follows the other guys around because they stop you from getting beaten up." That didn't sit too well with the boy even though it was true. Later, while Severus was speaking to Professor Slughorn about Lily's progress, James came up to Lily and tried one more time. "Lily, I'm so, so, so, so sorry that I hurt you. I know it hurt you but I want to be with you again." he spoke with so much feeing. "I'm sorry James," Lily replied "But there's something in my memory that doesn't want to remember you. My head is telling me to forget you, to let you fade into the background of my life. And I'm glad I can't remember you." And with that, she walked away.

**How was that? Did it work for you guys? I finally gave up on deleting every second word I wrote so I hope it's good enough. R&R so we can hear more about this! :-D**


	5. The long chapter :

"Hey are you ok Prongs?" Remus asked cautiously. His friend had been depressed all day about something but he wouldn't say what.

"Ya, I'm fine. Do I look like I'm sad or something?" James snapped back. He was still upset about how Lily said that she didn't want to remember her ex-boyfriend. "Well… ya you do actually." Remus continued "I heard about what happened with Lily, I'm sorry man." that just pissed off James even more. There was only one thing he hated more than being disliked or losing a quidditch match; and that was sympathy. "Ok! Jeez Remus, how many times will I have to tell you that I'm fine? I couldn't care less about Lily! You could go out with her for all I care!" this gave I tiny ray of light for Remus, but it was instantly extinguished when he realized that James would kill him. (Or try to anyway.)

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"Hey Remus!" Lily called over to Lupin. She was really happy to see him; she thought that he was really nice and actually kind of cute.

"Hey Lily! What's up?" he replied. "Nothing really but… umm… I was wondering if you want to go to Hogsmeade this weekend. With me." She was nervous about asking out the blonde-haired boy but if Lily had a new lease on life, she was going to use it with confidence. "Umm… really!? You want to go to Hogsmeade with me?" He was about as surprised as Winter was. She had been hanging out with Lily ever since she woke up. Lily still didn't remember Winter but they had started a new friendship. "Well ya, of course I do. You're a smart and really sweet guy." Well… I don't know. I mean, James is my friend. And I don't want to hurt h---"

"What the hell are you talking about Moony!?" James had suddenly appeared, although he had been listening the whole time. "Why would I get mad if you want to go out with Lily? Go! Have fun! By the way Winter, do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me? We can go to Madame Puddifoots or something." This rang a small bell in Lily's memory but she didn't think much of it. Things were ringing in her head all the time.

Winter giggled. "Well, if Lily is going with Remus then I guess it's ok. Its not like you two are dating or anything." **{click} **"Wait a minute! I still don't really remember James but I do remember you slept with him while we were going out! Right after I told you about something sad!" she started yelling "How could you!? I was your friend! Your BEST friend! You had guys waiting over you hand and foot and you decide to bang MY boyfriend!? I can NEVER EVER forgive you! So just stay away from me!"

After this episode, Remus thought that it would be best if Lily just stayed with him. Winter and James obviously weren't going to risk pissing her off again and Severus was with his girlfriend in the Slytherin common room. Plus the fact that he wanted o hang out with Lily some more and this seemed like the best way.

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On the day of Hogsmeade, Remus met Lily right at the door while Filch checked them for anything suspicious. When she did come down, the teenaged boy was completely shocked. He had know that Lily was beautiful. In a teal halter top, black skinny jeans and gold ballet flats with a denim cropped jacket, she looked like a modern angel from heaven.

"Hey Moony." Lily said playfully. She knew that Remus was a werewolf so she called him Moony sometimes just to make fun of him. "Hey Lily, are you ready to go? I was thinking that we could go to Madame Puddifoots, then go shopping around Hogsmeade. Does that sound cool to you?" he wanted to make sure that Lily wanted to actually go out with him. He still wasn't sure if she had been serious or not about them going out on a date. "Sounds perfect to me! Do you think we can stop by Zonkos? I need to pick up a gift for my Father's birthday and he likes muggle pranks a lot so I thought he would like something from there." "That sounds like a great idea. I'm sure he'll love whatever you get him."

After going to the small coffee shop the two went over to Zonkos and picked out a few fun things that Peter Evans would like, the objects included a nose-biting teacup, (she would warn him in the Christmas card about what it did.) a deck of exploding snaps and a pair of socks that change colour and the picture with the changing mood, but if he became angry or if he did something stupid then the socks would become smaller while they were still being worn. At Honeydukes, they purchased some Chocolate Frogs and other major sweets. Then they were off to the Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer. Remus had hoped they could be alone (per se, nobody's ever alone in that bar) but of course, they ran into the other three Marauders.

When they squeezed into the booth, the tension grew. This was only because Remus had sat down next to Sirius in the hopes that James couldn't strangle him from that far of a distance. But this meant that Lily had to sit next to James who had brought along Winter as his date. _Oh goody! _Lily thought._ The two people in this world that I never wanted to see again, and now I'm practically cuddling with one of them._ Her resent grew for Winter when she giggled and wrapped her arms around James, and slapping Lily upside the head in the process.

"James and I have decided to start dating now, if it's ok with you? But why would it matter? You're already dating Remus right?" with this she rested her head on James' shoulder. Jealousy and hate roared up inside Lily, but she didn't know why. She sure as hell didn't want to date James but she didn't want anybody else to be with him either, it was weird beyond belief but she didn't want to think about it. She forced a smile onto her face. "Course we are! In fact, I was talking to Remus about him visiting my house to meet my parents during the Christmas break!" truthfully, she had been talking about how boring Christmas would be this year and that she was planning to stay at Hogwarts during, but Lily figured Remus would understand why she said it.

This went on for way longer than was necessary, things that got agreed on was Remus was going to visit Lily's family during the break, Winter was going to stay with James the whole break, and on an unrelated note, Sirius was going to take it to the next level with his girlfriend Saria.

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"Lily, do you really want to date me?" Remus asked, he knew the answer and he didn't want to hear it but he wasn't sure if Lily knew the answer. She of course, was completely shocked that he would even ask that question. Even though she and Winter had gotten in a fist-fight while they were in the Three Broomsticks which resulted in them getting kicked out. The reason they started fighting was that Winter had started talking about how she, unlike other girls, could satisfy James and that was why he kept coming back.

"Duh I want to date you, why else would I ask you out in the first place? And once again, I'm so sorry about that fight. Winter just says things in in a voice that just gets to me." She replied.

"Well I think maybe we shouldn't date. I like you and all, I mean I've had a crush on you since first year but James really wants to belong to you again. He told me the last night what happened with you guys the other day. He doesn't know it, or maybe he does, but he loves you Lily, and if you guys hadn't broken up, he was going to propose to you right after you guys finished your NEWT exams. So I'm sorry but I can't date you while I know the two of you are meant to be together."

Lily was in her dorm crying, Remus dumping her hurt a lot. The fact that James "loved" her was no consolation because she didn't feel the same way. She looked out the window, it was the day before a full moon and the sky was full of stars. The Giant Squid was doing backstrokes around the lake, and there was one thing that looked different. Lily couldn't put her finger on it until she saw movement. There was a person at the bench that faced the lake; it was the most romantic part of Hogwarts and many couples went out to be together there. After a while she decided to see if that person was ok, they had their head buried in their arms.

"Hey, are you alright?" Lily asked carefully asked. She had seen what could happen when people get unexpectedly snuck up on, especially in the middle of the night. As the stranger turned their head, Lily flinched when she realized who it was. It was the last person on earth that Lily wanted to be talking to at the moment.

"Ya, I'm fine." James replied "Are you ok? I heard you and Moony broke up and all. Lily, don't say anything alright?" Lily nodded, she knew it wouldn't turn out well but she wanted to listen.

"Ok, I have to tell you this and I will only do it one more time. I want to be with you, I always have and I always will. Lily Marie Evans… I love you and I want you to marry me!"

**What just happened there!? I know I made this chapter longer than the others, I meant to because I realized how painfully short they are. What will happen? Will Lily ever remember James? Review it for me because I don't even know what's going to happen! :-D **


	6. The letter

**Thanks a ton to PROCRASTINATOR TOMORROW, fenixfeather, R.L.N. Tonks and, my home girl, Gin, M. Weasley! I love you guys so much and I love your reviews even better, so R&R or I'll do the Crutacious Curse on you! Ha-ha.**

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling and I don't own any of the characters, except Winter :-D**

**(By the way, I'm just going to recap like the last sentence of the last chapter.)**

"Ok, I have to tell you this and I will only do it one more time. I want to be with you, I always have and I always will. Lily Marie Evans… I love you and I want you to marry me!"

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James Potter was as shocked as Lily was. He had just proposed to the love of his life, of course this wasn't the way he had planned it. The black-haired Gryffindor had planned to take Lily to visit his parents over the winter break to meet them. When they finished their seventh year at the world-changing school, he would invite Lily to his parent's cottage. When they had some time alone, he would pop the big question and she would say yes… in his head. Now was a totally different scenario and he was so nervous, he was shaking.

"Umm… uh… J-James, don't take this t-the wrong way. I'm thrilled that you asked me, but I have no recollection of us ever dating! You are a great guy but I think… we should just try maybe, uh, maybe, we could hang out some time but marriage is a long way off. I'm so, so, so, so sorry James."

James felt like he had been slapped across the face by a full-grown Hippogriff. He knew in his heart it would never work but it still hurt, a lot. "Ok, I know this is weird, but I just got rejected by a really pretty girl, can I have a hug?" he hoped a joke would at least ease a but of tension, and it worked. "Alright, I guess, the girl sounds pretty special."

As James hugged Lily and just held her there in his arms, like he used to… **{click… ish}**

"Omigoodness! James, I don't completely remember you but I do remember some things. Like the time that Professor Dumbledore told me that I was had no chance of passing my OWLS, you enchanted your chest to make it look like you had a tattoo that said "Go Lily Go! I love you!" and it had a picture of you and me together. It was hilarious!" at this, James covered his rock-hard abs, which were covered by a shirt but he still felt a little silly about it, he should have gotten the stupid thing taken off years ago.

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James took Lily to Professor Slughorn to see why she still didn't remember him fully. After much working and talking they could only come up with one solution.

"Well James, it's my opinion that since you were so important in Lily's life and well… why she attempted to stop all emotions, that you need a lot of memory space for her to remember you. So you will most likely have to go around and do different acts of kindness for Lily and over time, she will forgive and stop forgetting."

"So all I have to do is be extremely nice to Lily? That's easy! Are you sure there isn't a catch?" he was sure that it would be more difficult than that.

"Yes I'm sure James. It will be **extremely** difficult though. I mean, you've been working this hard and all she can remember is something you did to make her smile. Real happy or even loving thought might take as much effort as killing a full grown troll!"

James gulped, he hadn't even put this whole thing in perspective. "But you may be wrong. What I think I'm saying is, you said waking up Lily would be hard but she was awake in a matter of seconds. So maybe all I have to do is be like a Boy Scout." he said this last part sarcastically because even though he loved the emerald-eyed beauty, he was still a tiny bit bitter about the rejected proposal.

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"Oh my god!" James pretty much shouted into a chair in the Gryffindor common room. "I have never worked so hard in my life to make a girl like me and be happy!"

All week, James had been doing nice things for Lily. He had gone through the passageway from the Whomping Willow into Hogsmeade and bought her many nice things with all his money that was available to him. The next day he had sent an owl to deliver 63 long-stemmed roses. One for every month that he had known and loved her. (One for every day would be too much for the owl.) then the hazel eyed popularity king of Hogwarts had charmed the Snitch to fly towards Lily many times and when he caught it, the golden ball would explode in a shower of stars that spelt out "I love you Lily." Lily did remember some things from the obscene gestures. And she had a habit of reviewing them.

"So what I remember is the tattoo thing, the fact that you are obsessed about being liked by everyone, and that you are really committed to the team! You realize that this is a good thing right? Even if they aren't the best things in the world to know about you, I'm still getting to know you again."

"Ya I guess." James muttered "At least you're starting to remember major groups of things, not just single memories at a time, now **that **would be tiring." Although she didn't mention it, Lily had also remembered some other things about James. Not all of them were bad but most of them were. Like how he avoided homework until the last minute, he was very friendly with a lot of girls, and on a happier note, that he would do anything in the world for his friends or family. Later on, Lily started to think about what she knew about James and she realized how great this guy actually was.

_I used to think that he was scum because all I knew was that he slept with my best friend, but now, well maybe he's not all that bad. I don't really hate him anymore, in fact, he might be one of my best friends now! But oh! He's done so many things that have caused me pain! Why don't I just tell him that I've remembered so many things about him? Maybe I should talk to somebody about this, but no one wants to listen to me complain about James Potter! I know, I'll go talk to Andromeda about this, she's patient with me if nothing else._

"So that's my problem Meda. (Nickname for Andromeda) I don't know what's wrong with me that I can't tell James that I remember him. Is it a bad thing that I'm doing this and just making him feel bad?"

Andromeda pondered this for a minute then…

"**BUSTED!!"** she shouted "Lily Evans, you are head over heels in love with James Potter! You aren't telling him that you know who he is just so that you can spend more time with him! And don't deny it, thou scarlet cheeks unmask your true feelings about this knuckle-headed boy." she said it very smugly "Didn't I always say that you and James would get married after Hogwarts!?"

Lily felt a pang in her heart when she heard this. "But we won't! James proposed to me when I didn't know who he was and I rejected him! He'll never know my true feeling for him! Now I know that he won't try again and he'll get married to some blonde ho with big boobs! Even though he really isn't as selfish and shallow as he used to be."

Andromeda had a great plan for this problem. "I know, how about you become his 'secret admirer' and write him love letters? That way you can keep your anonymity and tell him your true feelings about him to him! C'mon Lily flower, this is your big chance at love with the guy that you love! You should get on it right now! I'll help you write them so that you don't give anything away."

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_Dear James,_

_You will never know who I am but in a way, you know me. I think I have fallen in love with you and I have fallen fast and hard. I think about you all the time, when I wake up, when I go to sleep, even when I am with my best friends I am thinking I wish you were there. I know that we will never be together but I want to make my love found._

_From, Your forever faithful admirer._

This arrived by a regular school owl in the morning to James. He was so confused but he didn't really have time to ponder over it because Frank Longbottom had scheduled a quidditch practice right after breakfast that day. Later on he studied the short but very sweet love note.

"Padfoot, Moony, Wormtail! You guys are so funny that I forgot to laugh! What's the point of this note? I know you guys already love me."

As James asked his friends about the "fake" note that they had written him, Lily's heart jumped into her throat and it wouldn't go back down. So he thought it wasn't real did he? Then she realized that the boys had convinced their friend Prongs that it hadn't been them.

"Then who sent it? It can't be anyone **we **know that well can it? Hey Lily! If you had a thing for somebody, what would you do?" he didn't notice that Lily had been trying to sneak out of the common room as fast as possible. She swallowed really hard.

"Umm… well it could be somebody who is really shy or isn't your regular type of girlfriend, you know, who isn't a ho."

James took no notice of the sharpness in the redhead's voice or the fact that he had a tendency to date slutty girls.

"Ok, so I think that I'm gonna write this mystery girl back and see what happens. Who knows? I might even get a girlfriend from it."

And he did, the next morning in the Great Hall, he was awaiting the sight of his owl, whoever the owl went to, that was his secret admirer. It was a good plan, until he realized that his owl didn't show up. This was because Lily had decided to skip breakfast because she had heard of James' master plan and she was afraid that the owl would find her when he was paying attention. As she sat in her room on her four-poster bed, Lily heard a tapping on her window. It was the snowy white owl with the lime green head. (James had been practicing transfiguration, trying to turn his hair green and it went wrong.) On the parchment was a neat but not as flowery writing that the emerald-eyed girl had used.

Faithful Admirer,

I am sorry that I am not a good enough person for you that you cannot just come up to me and tell me your feelings. I am also sorry that I don't know if I love you back. I have never had a secret admirer before but I am glad that you are the one. If you can't tell me who you are, can you at least tell me some things about yourself? I would like to get to know you better and become your friend. And then maybe one day we can meet.

Sincerely, James Dylan Potter.

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"Of course he would make it mostly about himself, but I guess you can tell him a few things about yourself without giving who you are away. And you will **NOT **meet with him until I give you the O.K. right?" Andromeda had demanded to see the letter when Lily mentioned that she had gotten a reply.

"Should I send more to him? You really think that it's a good idea for me to give information about my life to this guy? Maybe I could just tell him the things about me that he doesn't know. Should I tell him what year I am? How about what House?" Lily was a nervous wreck and only she, Andromeda and Nymphadora Tonks knew why. Tonks was Meda's cousin and they were rally good friends. Meda's mother had named her after Tonk's mother and Meda's mother was named Nymphadora so it worked out very well.

Tonks spoke first. "Ok, yes to age, no to House. You should string him along. Choose a House that has a few classes with you and write about those classes. Don't say that you are in like Ravenclaw or something, just say that your in all the Ravenclaw/Gryffindor classes. And totally to the idea of telling him things that he doesn't know. Just make sure not to let anything slip, on or off the parchment. Think I'm right Meda?"

The girls agreed on the things that Lily should write and then got to work on actually writing the darned thing. It was kind of hard when all Tonks could think about was the target of her affection Remus Lupin and all Andromeda could think about was her latest mark on a Potions test. But this was more important than homework or school, this was Lily's suffering love life.

**How was that chapter guys? I want to make this as interesting as possible but I'm getting writer's block so if you could help me by reviewing that would be great. :-D I also hope that the length of my chapters are getting better. Thanks again!**


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